I had originally intended to write this entry while I was still abroad in Singapore. In fact, the previous draft is right in front of me as I’m revising everything.

Things have happened so fast one after another and before I knew it, I was already back in Canada. I guess that’s alright but it seems to be a reoccuring theme. My 4 months studying abroad went by in the blink of an eye and the only feelings I’m left with are the lingering feelings of wanting to go back. To do more. To cherish again the camaraderie of exploring a foreign country with a close group of friends.

While my experience with studying abroad isn’t unexpected, I feel plenty lucky to have spent this past term surrounded by a cohort of people, whom I’m grateful to have become close with.

I’ve delayed this reflection long enough. As bittersweet as it is, I think it’s about time I close this chapter of my life. I’m struggling to digest all these emotions even after a month, but it’s a good time to reflect. As the Dr. Seuss quote goes

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Let’s have a good yap and I’ll do my best to keep it short & sweet.

Exchange In Singapore

Leaving Home

I can still vividly recall the day I first received my acceptable letter to study abroad in Singapore. That was truly of the only day’s I can remember when I physically shot up into the air and screamed with joy. It might’ve been an overreaction but it was certainly a dream come true.

Fast forward a year, the start of 2024. After a final celebration with family and friends for Christmas, I headed off to Asia to spend the New Years and beyond. First stop, Japan. Tokyo and Kyoto were the destinations. Then, it was off to the homeland (China) to reunite with relatives I hadn’t seen since Covid times.

I could yap on and on about the adventures I had all over but in the interest of your time and mine, I want to focus on my time in Singapore. I might recall points from here and there and if that’s the case, I’m sorry but it’s my blog . Just know that I feel extremely grateful to have been able to travel around Japan both solo and with friends for the first time in my life.

Arrival

I can’t lie. The first time I arrived in Singapore, it was both breathtaking and overwhelming. Changi Aiport truly was a jem but I was also plagued by countless worries about how the next 4 months would go. Like starting the first day of high school again, I wondered what I would do if I didn’t like it here. I had also began to worry about my other committments as I student that I had brought along from back home. Yes, travel was fun, but how could I TRULY relax and enjoy my time when there was still work to be done? It helped that I had a mutual friend at the time in Singapore who was gracious enough to help me with getting settled down. If not for him, I certainly would’ve spent the first few days in Singapore completely in the dumps. Thank you dear friend. The eel was delicious.

In hindsight, I wish I could’ve told myself that things would work out just fine. There will always be more work. Enjoy the moment. Simple adages that if we all truly lived by would mean happiness for all. Alas, while I wholeheartedly wish I could go back in time and slap the living out of me, deep down I know I would’ve still done the same. In fact, I struggle to live by these simple principles to this day! A definite character flaw

Hindsight really is 20/20.

The First Day

I was filled with nerves the first day of orientation. Our host school had planned a couple of days of activities for the entire exchange group. It felt oddly reminiscent of the first day of school, and true to its form, I found myself having arrived way too early. Sitting alone, I watched as the coordinators rushed to finish their final preparations for the orientation. Anxiety, nervousness, and excitement weren’t foreign feelings to me, but at that moment, they sure were acting like it. However, as people began to trickle in and I had a few conversations here and there, all my nerves just … went away. It’s remarkable how fast you can lose yourself when engaged in social interaction. Admist the bustling conversations, I distinctly recall thinking to myself, “these four months will go by in just a blink of an eye.”

It was suffice to say, that the next few days were nothing short of memorable.

The Middle Part

Boom. Time Skip. The middle part. Also known as the chunky part. The part where you make all the memories. It’s like a burger. You devoured the middle like there was no tomorrow and now all that you’re left with is the feeling of wanting more. Empty. When you think back you wonder how you inhaled it all so fast. It was certainly the best part. But how did it just disappear?

No, is it just me? Unrelatable analogy? Ok.

Life in Singapore was like a box of chocolates. Each day was a new experience and you could never truly know what you would get. So far, it’s been the only time in my life where I’ve lived impulsively. Spontaneously. If someone wanted to go to a random park, we would go. If I ran into someone and they wanted to have pancakes for “pancake day,” we would do it. If people wanted to go to Bali, well … you better get to booking those flights. There really was no dull moment. It didn’t matter if it was night or day; everyone was there to try something new. We were all united under the common goal of “having fun.” Looking back, this was probably one of the most memorable experiences of my exchange. The closeness of a small but tight community. It helped that our host school was smaller as well because eventually you would begin to start seeing some familar faces and get to know people on a closer level.

Memories

A quick list of some of the memorable things that happened during my exchange

• Developing a crippling addiction to chicken rice

• Going to a horror escape room in Johor Bahru, Malaysia

• Catching the best infinity pool views in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

• Celerbrating Chinese New Years in Chinatown with friends from home and abroad

• Buying tickets 3 weeks before an IVE concert without even knowing who they are

• Retreating to the beautiful rural country side of Sapa, Vietnam and having some of the best pho and banh mi in Hanoi (I know my vietnamese food choices are too basic)

• FOOD, lady boys, and muay thai in Bangkok, Thailand

• Spending the last night of Thailand playing Wavelength with friends until we were all delusional

• Celebrated my birthday with everyone on exchange. Instead of cake we had a whole chicken.

• Hiking down 150m to Kelingking Beach, Bali, Indonesia with a friend. One of the most treacherous hikes I’ve ever done. Would never do it again but I’m proud I did.

• Climbing Mt. Batur in Bali at 2am while taking 3 emergency bathroom breaks on the mountain (there were no bathrooms). But the sunrise was worth the whole ordeal.

• Animenz recital at the Esplanade (it was so relaxing I feel asleep at the last section)

• Having literally anything at any Hawker center in Singapore (Lau Pa Sat was stunning. I’m disappointed in myself that I only went on the last day of my 4 month exchange…)

• Going to the IU concert 2 days before my triple exams

• Night biking from Marina Bay Sands (ended up sleeping at 6am)

• Drinking, chatting, and loitering around Fort Canning Park, Singapore while staring at the night sky

• So much Karaoke and McDonalds

• Locking in for final exams with daily bubble tea and WOK HEY

• Did I mention the chicken rice is $5?

I’m sure I’m missing a lot more things. But just thinking about it is already making me feel nostalgic so I’ll stop here…

What the .. what do you mean it’s the end.

Maybe The Real Treasure Was the Friends We Made Along the Way

Like all good things. It must come to an end. The more I think about it the more grateful I feel towards the friends that I made along the way. I recall in one of the conversations we had, a friend asked how I would have felt if I was in Singapore alone or with people I couldn’t get along with. I simply answered that I probably would’ve still enjoyed the experience myself. However, after some thought, I realized how much I would’ve missed out on. Sure the exchange would’ve been memorable but part of the joy was being able to share the experiences with friends.

I’m really fortunate to have been able to leave my exchange having met so many amazing and wonderful people. All of whom have made a lasting impact on my life. I really could not think of a better group of people I’d have rather spent the time with. Our late night conversations and hangouts did indeed hit different. I’ll always think back to them as an escape from the busyness of everyday life.

With that said, it wasn’t a surprise that a great sadness came over me when the final weeks of our exchange approached. As the day of my flight crept closer my bittersweet feelings grew stronger. I prayed that things could stay like this forever.

Things I Learned I Love

(even if you’re heart is two sizes too small)

Over the period of 4 months I can say without a doubt that I learned a million things about myself. Here are just a few I want to share…

The Freedom To Travel

Pretty self explantory. I know my experiences are not universal, so I feel extremely privileged and grateful to be given this opportunity. The world is so big. The things you can do are so vast. Travelling has really colored my black and white perspective of life and prescibed me new priorities in life. The feeling of being able to do whatever you want whenever you want really is freeing. I want to see more of the world.

Community

Being able to hangout with friends whenever is a great feeling. Whether that’s when travelling or studying, the feeling of community and knowing that there are people who have your back is second to none.

Soulsearching

A bit too .

Not something I love per se but I enjoy distancing myself from the monotony of life back home and doing something new. Something that can help me discover new things about myself. I think the change of pace came at a much needed moment in my life and definitely gave me the fuel and drive to push onward. But now in a fuel efficient way.

The Most Important Lesson

Four months. A third of a year. Time went by just like that. Is it nostalgia? Perhaps. Sadness? Likely.

One feeling I can be certain of is Regret.

The regret of not having done more. The regret of spending time working when I should’ve spent time with friends. And the regret of not being fully present even when I did.

• “Just say yes to things”
• “Live in the moment”
• “Don’t squander your time”

These were the non-negotiables I had for 2024. The principles that I told myself I would internalize and live by. But barely one third of the way into 2024 and there were already no survivors. I wish I could turn back time but I can’t. Even if I could I probably wouldn’t be able to convince myself anyways.

Sometimes the things you feel are the most important in the moment become trivial in maybe as little as a day. If you find yourself doing things in haste and feeling the need to “catch up” to some fleeting sense of success. Just take a step back. Look up. Breathe in. Look around. Touch some grass. The world is vast.

Stop chasing that moving goal post. There’s no post to begin with. There’s no need to be in a rush, and when you realize that things take time you’ll feel some much more relaxed. Aim for longer time horizons. Don’t postpone yourself, whether it’s for work or for fun, especially if it’s for fun.

I can’t say that I won’t break these principles again; I’m sure I will. As I’ve said previously, I’m struggling as is, even after having learned this painful lesson multiple times. But I think the real value is recognizing it and making steps to move in the direction you think is right.

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I hope no one reads this but if you do, thank you for listening to me yap. Perhaps you think it’s silly. Or maybe you quite enjoyed it. Regardless I appreciate your time.

My Honest Reaction

A friend of mine showed me this meme by @tentenchan2525 on twitter. I think it really captures the essence of my 2024.